Usually, my clients have received this message in all sorts of ways throughout their lives. Whether it be physically, emotionally, or otherwise, it’s always some version of the same: be small. And if you can’t be small, make sure you are showing the world the ways in which you are trying to be smaller.

These ideas we have about who we should be, how we should act, and what we should look like don’t come from nowhere. They are imperatives rooted deep in systems of oppression that have taught us explicitly and implicitly that certain ways of being are more valuable and desirable than others. How we internalize these messages varies greatly, but once learned, they can drive our behavior and belief about ourselves. More often than not, the resulting shame keeps us from showing up as our fullest, most authentic selves.